Blue, the Barn and a Butterfly
Reflections of a Full moon Capricorn
Let's get a little witchy today!
Yesterday, on the eve of the full moon in Capricorn, I had my first ride on Blue since I purchased the farm. I became so preoccupied with getting the space in order that I forgot what was most important, my "why" for doing all of this in the first place…
My horses ground me. It is interesting because when I'm riding my horse, my feet never touch the ground, yet somehow our hearts become one and we are connected not only to each other, but also to Mother Earth. Blue's four legs take over and the energy transfer from him to me and vice versa creates a forcefield pulling us to the ground. Each pound of the hoof creates a deeper connection. We are one. And when I listen, I can really hear his wisdom.
On our way back from the ring, a yellow butterfly on the fence post caught my eye. She quickly fell off the post and I realized her wing was injured. Butterfly wings are not only beautiful, but they are a large part of how these insects communicate. The rubbing and fluttering of their wings makes acoustic sound. And I was about to hear something huge.
Initially I believed this butterfly was doomed and death was imminent. To preserve her beauty, I thought I would put her in a shadow box and hang her on the wall of the farmhouse. Then I paused and I listened. Here was an injured animal and I am a trained animal healer. A veterinarian. When I was practicing as a veterinarian, one of my biggest regrets was not really listening to the animal. I simply became a robot and fixed things to make owners happy. Recently I have begun to reflect on how many of my animal patients actually wanted to be saved. Were animals scared of death like humans?
I decided to take a moment and hear what this injured butterfly was really trying to tell me. It was clear, she wanted to be released back to the field, the same field where Blue lives most evenings. I picked her up and put her on the fence post and released my 1700lb horse into the field with her and I went home.
I had grand plans yesterday evening to write several chapters for my upcoming book, however I was exhausted. I felt like I had no voice left. I closed my computer and decided to go to sleep under the light of the full moon in Capricorn.
This morning I woke up feeling a bit chaotic and not fully rested. Nevertheless, I was super excited to get to the barn and ride. As I was pulling into the gravel driveway I realized I forgot my saddle. I felt very called to get on Blue today and made lemonade out of lemons…bareback it is!
As I was tacking up Blue he could sense the order of operations was a bit different as I didn't throw a saddle on his back. He very willingly took his bit and allowed me to put on his bridle (he usually gives me some trouble with this!) The energy felt very different and I was here for it!
I hopped on this 17 hand horse's back with no saddle and off we went. I've owned Blue for close to 5 years and this was the first time riding him bareback. The connection between the two of us was intense, I felt so grounded, and I began to channel.
In the far corner of the ring I spotted a beautiful yellow butterfly fluttering around. Blue spotted her at the same time and at once trotted over and began chasing her around the ring. It was as though he had met her before and she knew exactly who we were. Like we were longtime friends. I was immediately filled with a sense of warmth and joy and knew in my heart this was the same butterfly I released into Blue's field under the full moon yesterday. She had come to express her gratitude.
The three of us took turns chasing each other and this cat and mouse game went on for quite some time. I began to listen and really feel into the messaging that was coming through. I felt so much freedom, reverie and total joy. All of the burdens and negative self talk I had been imposing on myself up until now seemed to melt away and I began to embrace a sense of full liberation. Talk about a thank you gift!
My south node exists in Capricorn and Capricorn is in my third house, or my house of communication and my messaging. In this lifetime I also have Venus in my third house of communication, which is how my soul longs to give and be loved and for me that is through words. My entire life I have been my own worst critic.
"Lauren you need a faster mile time."
"Lauren you need a faster skin to skin surgery time."
"Lauren you need a 4.5 GPA at all times."
"Lauren you need to be prettier."
But what if I started being kinder to myself? When was I going to realize that I have always been and I am enough? What if I took a moment in the ring with Blue and this butterfly and looked at all I've done to make this amazing barn community? What if I saw how I endured so much and came out the other side? What if I finally felt and expressed gratitude for the version of Lauren that got me to where I am today?!
This powerful Capricorn full moon energy not only healed this beautiful butterfly's broken wing, and her main way of communicating, but it also healed my inner communication with myself and allowed my ability to channel wisdom from the spirit world very intensely. This full moon said to me "Hey Laur…don't be afraid to say what you have to say. You are safe now and your words will not be misinterpreted or ostracize you, but rather they are beautiful and your gift should be shared with the world." With my north node in Cancer and my 9th house of spirituality, I can now see that Blue Fox Farm represents an encapsulation of safety. The messages that I channel through the land and the animals here will always come from a place of safety and love.
July 11th (7/11) is the anniversary of the birth of an incredibly special angel that I was not blessed to communicate with while he was in body. My personal guardian angel, Marc, could not communicate with me for the last 7 months of his life in body. As Blue, the butterfly and I trotted around the ring today the message was clear—these two angels are flying high above Blue Fox Farm and will continue to communicate their wisdom through me when I take the time to listen.
From this moment on I am going to start meeting others and myself on the other side of the journey that I once saw as grief; the pain and the loss and the triumph have all happened. Now I am blessed with the ultimate gift to create a safe space, a beautiful place for connection, for love, for finally feeling at home with my own life and my own circumstances, even if I didn't choose them. I am going to be the PEACE and create the PEACE that others need to feel and to connect with themselves on a deep soul level. After spending time today with Blue and this butterfly, I can really see that the first step is the internal dialogue you create with yourself.
The moon is meant to stir up our emotions. Before I channeled the message of positive internal self talk through my animal guides today, I had a lot of anxiety about not doing enough. However, I did exactly what the moon needed of me. Throughout the entire day I was having internal dialogues with myself, making realizations, connections, feeling all the things. I became open and honest with myself and did an amazing job Returning to Lauren.
With love and moonlight,
Lauren Rae